Social Anxiety

If you know me, you’re probably aware that I’m a little shy around people I don’t know. I try to avoid situations that involve large groups of unknown people. In fact, joining in a group conversation with people I know is even daunting for me. Yet somehow I just picked a new career that seems to require numerous interactions with groups of people I’ve never met.

At the beginning of the month I attended an SCBWI holiday party. For some reason it didn’t occur to me that I was putting myself into another of these group situations that I dislike until I was walking into the party. Then I had this thought of, “Oh crap! What am I doing here?” So I calmly advised myself to get a drink. Then at least I’d have something to hold on to.

As I was turning away from the refreshment table, I glanced at the nametag of the woman standing next to me. I realized that she’s part of the second critique group that I joined but hadn’t met with yet. I very awkwardly said something like, “I think I know you. I mean, I think you’re in my critique group. Or rather, I’m in your critique group.” Wow. I must have really impressed her with my smooth conversational style. Thankfully she is very nice and spent some time talking to me.

I was somewhat comforted to discover that I was not the most awkward person in the room. People always talk about how socially inept engineers are, but it turns out that some writers rival them. I suppose part of it may be the nature of the situations where writers meet: large conferences/meetings/parties/workshops where most of the people have never met before.

Most conversations begin with something like, “Are you a writer, illustrator, or both?” or “What do you write?” Then these questions are followed up with, “Do you have an agent?” or “Are you published?” Sometimes conversation flows smoothly, but not always. At the holiday party I was asked, “What do you like best about writing picture books?” For some reason this completely tongue-tied me. I think part of it was that the guy asking was not able to maintain a normal level of eye contact (i.e. no blinking, intent staring). I also talked to a woman who asked me if I had children. So of course I asked her if she had children. She was like, “NO! Are you kidding me I can’t STAND children.” Hmmm…interesting that she writes children’s books. I guess no matter how awkward and uncomfortable I am, there is probably someone in the room who is in worse shape than me.

What I’m reading: I finished reading Lost in Shangri-la and Miss Peregrine’s Home for Unusual Children. I enjoyed both of them. I also read Divergent by Veronica Roth. It was pretty entertaining, but there were some things that bothered me about the story (perhaps they’ll be explained in the later books). I am almost finished with Call the Midwife. And now I’m reading Confederates in the Attic by Tony Horwitz. I found this book in a box of free books on the sidewalk. Who can pass up free books? Not me!