A New Focus

I realized recently that part of the reason I haven’t been blogging regularly is that I feel like my life doesn’t fit into what I had intended to write about when I first started this blog. Reading, writing and rock climbing. Those are the three R’s that I chose to blog about. They were three of the most important things in my life (at least in terms of interests). And I still love all three of them and try to make space for them. But being a mom has taken over my life in many ways.

*It’s rant time. I’m getting up on my soapbox.*

At first I felt like I didn’t want to admit this, especially to the world in general. I didn’t want to be “just a mom.” I didn’t like the idea that I had lost any part of my old self and stepped into a mold to become a mom (I still don’t like this idea. I’ve worked hard to retain my old self while accepting my new mom-self). But I’ve realized that this is buying into part of our culture that I actually don’t want to embrace. There’s a widespread attitude that while it’s, “So great you’re staying home with your baby!” it’s also viewed as not being “enough”. There’s some idea that moms are all counting down the days before they get back to their “real” jobs. (OK, I’ll be honest. There are days that I wish I were counting down. They are the days where I haven’t slept, the baby is teething, it’s raining, I’m bored because I haven’t talked about anything other than my son in the last 16 months, etc.)

It’s a conversation killer as well.

Other person: “So, what have you been up to lately?”

Me: “Um, taking care of my baby.”

Other person: “Ohh. Ok.” (Moment of awkward silence before they move on to another topic.)

It makes me feel like people are embarrassed for me that all I’ve been doing is taking care of my child. And so then I start to feel ashamed that I don’t have anything to talk about. But this is ridiculous. I’m tired of it. I’m proud to be a full-time mom.

Women fought so hard and for so long (and continue to fight) for their right to hold any employment position a man does for the same the pay and the same respect. We fought to not have to stay home with our children if we didn’t choose to. But now, the respect for moms has plummeted. We live in a society in which a lot of people apparently think, “Oh, all you do is take care of your kid full-time?”

Being a full-time mom (or dad) does not command respect in our society. Neither does being a nanny or a daycare provider. Teachers fare slightly better since they usually have five years of schooling in higher education. However, jobs that revolve around children aren’t well-paid and typically aren’t well-respected. No one says, “She’s a mom/nanny/daycare provider,” with the same tone they’d say “She’s a doctor/engineer/lawyer.”

But isn’t raising the next generation something that deserves respect? Shouldn’t we as a society revere the people who spend quality time with our nation’s young?

*I’m off my soapbox.*

So…will I still write about the three R’s? Yes. But I’m also going to write about being a mom. And I’m going to write about it unabashedly.